Yvonne Feresu

Tag: finding yourself

  • How to build your self-confidence 101

    How to build your self-confidence 101

    I’ve heard people say they want to be more confident, show more boldness…that they wish they had enough self-confidence to give a speech. And when I’m having these conversations, it almost always implied that self-confidence is inborn. Yet, it’s not. It’s a real skill that needs to be built. It’s similar to a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets…but how do you use self-confidence?

    Here’s the funny thing, to gain confidence for doing anything, you actually need to do the thing first. Take for example, giving a speech. You give the speech first, then you gain the confidence to give more speeches. And more and more, until eventually you become this guru that everyone thinks is super confident, infallible and can speak in front of thousands of people at the drop of a hat. So the first step isn’t really confidence, it’s bravery, bravery to face your fears. Let me tell you a little story…

    Brimming with confidence

    It was the year 2013, I was the new girl in school having joined in the winter term at a mission all girls boarding school. I seemed posh, maybe a little snobbish, coming from a private school and full of sass that got me into trouble at my former school. There was an annual concert to be held the following term, but of course preparations for it started during 2nd term. The club responsible took their duties very seriously, after all, this concert was a pretty big deal even for us. We got to invite plenty of other schools, and of course, the boys’ schools too. Anyways, suffice to say, it was a pretty big deal. They wanted all sorts of talent for the concert…the seniors clamoured for these slots.

    So there I was, the new girl…and I wanted in. Did I mention that I was in Form 1? Oh yeah, I was at the bottom of the rung, but at that time it never really occurred to me that I was younger, therefore should be timider. They had a call for auditions and brave little me responded. I wanted to model, I was determined to walk down that runway, (although I wasn’t concerned about winning the title.) And I did, I made it through the auditions. I don’t know why, but I did. I didn’t win the title of-course, but I surprised people. They couldn’t figure out where I got the audacity from. Fast forward to form 2, and I did it again (though I still didn’t win).

    Brave little me at 14 standing on the ramp with the other models (participants)

    I vividly remember a particular conversation with a schoolmate, about confidence. She asked me how I did it, and I said you just have to be brave enough to try first, then the confidence will come each time you do the thing. She didn’t believe me, instead she said I was just naturally self-confident. She was wrong…self-confidence is a skill you build by doing the thing, processing feedback, then doing it again. That’s how you become confident in your own abilities; you know you’ve done it before, or that you have the capability to do it even for the first time; because you’ve done some amazing shit in the past.

    So…

    How to build your confidence?

    What’s the secret? Here’s the truth, there’s no real secret to building self-confidence. It’s a simple process really….at least the simplified version of it is.

    Step 1: Be brave and face your fears

    Step 2: Do the thing

    Step 3: Evaluate, process feedback, improve

    Result? CONFIDENCE! 

    I was the co-host for Miss University of Zimbabwe 2015 at 20 years. I wasn’t born confident, I worked for it

    Step 4: Repeat

    Now go forth and build that confidence! We always continously need to keep building and fortifying our self-confidence especially when we constantly venture into foreign waters.

  • I’m 24 and I’m still trying to find myself

    I’m 24 and I’m still trying to find myself

    Have you ever lost yourself? Is it possible to lose yourself? I always find it a little strange when people talk about “finding yourself”, it’s a bit of an odd statement, but I’m finally willing to admit that I lost the plot a while ago. I honestly have no idea what I’m doing, and where I’m going, all I know is I have to keep moving, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I can’t afford to stop, not now when I have tasted a bit of financial freedom. I also can’t afford to stop because there’s a danger in stopping, you might not be able to start moving again. Once you stop, you lose momentum, it’s hard to get it back. And yet I know I need to recalibrate.

    It was so much easier to dream and to work towards something when that’s all you had to think about…when earning a living wasn’t something you have to think about. In growing up, I got lost…my dreams scattered to the wind. It’s easy to say to someone, “How can you not know what you want?” but that shit happens. Sometimes you get so lost in your choices, in taking the options that you see available to you, you lose sight of what the heart wants. I am one of those people, I lost sight, and now I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going. Hopefully, I will, and maybe I can re-ignite the fire that once drove me.

    Choosing to be fiercely honest

    I suspect it takes patience with yourself and being willing to forgive your own confusion if confusion is a crime. This is the shortest blog post I have ever written and surely goes against best practices for blogging, but I’m tired of trying to do things perfectly. I’m tired of not embracing publicly acknowledged experimentation. Yes, I’ll declare that I’m experimenting, and I don’t care who sees the failed experiments anymore. I’ve been running my life like a series of experiments since I graduated, I might as well finally admit it. I’m not trying to pretend like I know everything anymore, or that I have it together, I don’t owe anyone that illusion. And if you’re in the same boat as I am, neither do you.

    Part of finding yourself involves being your own best friend, here’s why it matters: Learning to be best friends with yourself and why it matters.

    I’m Yvonne, I’m 24 and I’m still trying to figure things out, still finding myself. I refuse to be embarrassed about it, I refuse to pretend otherwise…the important thing for me is that I keep moving.