New year, new beginnings…or so the saying goes, but the reality is sometimes it’s really just the same old shit, different calendar year. We go into this “goals and resolutions” frenzy, which I totally subscribe to but half of us don’t see them through anyways. I promise myself all sorts of things every year, and for the past two years, it has been promise after promise. This year I wanted to do things differently, I made myself one promise. One. That’s all I have to keep. Well alright, it’s more like one and a half but I still think that’s a manageable number. Who can’t keep one and a half promise?
Resolutions not goals
Resolutions are funny things, they’re not goals…they’re a little different from that. If they were I wouldn’t be breaking all of mine by the second week of January. I set goals all the time, doesn’t matter what time of the year it is, and I have a 75-100% success rate. Resolutions are a different monster. These little creatures are more about a change in behaviour, ideally a lasting one. Eating healthy is a resolution. It requires sometimes a complete change in our perception of food, and experience of it. It means every little decision we make about food changes…resolution.
Anyways I digress, back to promises to myself. This year I decided I wanted to change the one (and a half) thing that has cost me. It’s cost me in tiny, but incremental ways. It’s the one biggest factor I’ve made progress in one area but not the other. Frankly speaking, I think it’s stopping me from growing in leaps and bounds. The saddest thing is it’s such a simple but profound thing. The thing that can make all the difference. It doesn’t matter how many goals I set, or what things I wish to do if this little aspect isn’t on made impressive levels.
Consistency
This is the one thing that will bring your ass down and leave you on the ground if you don’t have it. I’ll admit, I am not the most consistent person I know. I’m not incredibly inconsistent, but I could be better. So much better. I could write two blog posts a week if I really tried…or at the very least, ONE! One single blog post every week. One video post and one photo on Instagram. One workout a day. All these little things add up, all of them. So I realized I was losing out because of my own lack of disciple, and I’m fixing that. That’s my 2020 challenge, that’s my promise to myself.
Oh and the half…
Yeah, I need to meet deadlines. It’s so important to meet deadlines guys! I suck at them, but that’s going to change. Meeting deadlines comfortably is tough, even tougher for a procastinator. It’s a crucial half.
So that’s it. That’s my big promise to myself, and so far I’m doing well(ish). What promises did you make to yourself this year, are you keeping them?
Progress report
So far so good, in my second week of working out. The longest stretch I’ve done in 2 years!
Doing the Chloe Ting 28 Day challenge. This is the longest time I’ve worked out consistently on consecutive days, I’m proud of keeping this promise to myself so far.
It’s almost the end of August! We’ve gone through a great deal as a country in the past 8 months and as individuals too. I remember as if it were yesterday, setting out my targets for this year. Setting goals and resolutions. Plenty of us did. And then some of us wait until December to review them.
I for one, like to check in every 3-4 months, to make sure I’m heading in the right direction. It seems so tedious to check your yourself every 3 or 4 months, but a lot can happen in 90-120 days and it’s easy to lose sight of where you’re going when life is happening to you. It’s tempting to think the year is almost over, why should I bother if I’m already lost. But remember what we said earlier, 120 days is a long time.
So yes, the year isn’t over, but waiting until the year ends to do a necessary review and audit isn’t always the best idea. Sometimes we lose track of what we set out to do, we forget our promises to ourselves and other times, our method just isn’t working. Let’s not forget the good stuff happening that we must celebrate and be grateful for. Triumphs that need to be acknowledged.
Here are some questions I like to ask myself? (The graphic has more comprehensive questions, feel free to download it.)
Have I done what I said I wanted to do so far? Am I still on track?
What’s no longer working? What do I need to change?
What’s the best thing that happened for me so far this year?
What’s the worst thing? What am I going to do about it?
Something to reflect on 🙂
Hindsight is a powerful tool, use it. Look back and review how your year is going so far, the good and the bad. I, for one, haven’t started on my fitness goals, it’s been 8 months since I set that resolution, and I kept failing to launch (no more). But that’s alright, I still have roughly 120 days.
Whenever I review my quarter, or year, I own up and take responsibility where I messed up, forgive yourself and move on (but promise myself to do better next time). I decide whether I need to change strategies or change goals entirely, or simply renew your efforts. This little exercise is partly how I managed to fulfill 3 out of 5 of my major goals, and this year I finished off the last two (as part of this year’s goals). With four more months, I still have more mileage to go!
The first half of my year wasn’t great for me (work-wise) and only starting turning around in June. Of-course I managed to stay on track with maybe one or two things, and I have a ton of things to be grateful for, and things I’m happy about on the personal front. Whilst I did things I’m proud of, when it comes to some of my other goals (like fitness and blogging), I need to do better, and I am going to do better!
What about you? Are you happy with your year so far? Do you need to change strategies? Or renew your efforts? Are you still on track? If you’re not, what are you doing about it?
What’s really holding you back? Okay, this is a loaded a question, but a question I had to ask myself. Maybe my story will resonate with you, maybe it won’t…but here goes.
Growing up I wanted to be many things…I’ve wanted to do many things career-wise. I remember dreaming of walking down a runway, decked in exquisite gowns, blinding the audience with my pearly whites, and clinching that crown. Perhaps my mother still recalls the days I declared boldly that one day I would be the reigning Miss World. I outgrew that dream mentally (physically I stopped growing taller too early so that wasn’t going to work out anyway). Doctor, flight attendant, President (of the country), pro-athlete, film producer/director, lawyer (this wasn’t an original ambition) all make the list, and as I said, it’s a long list.
Dreams of writing
The most prominent and recurring profession that I ached for, was writing. At risk of sounding like a complete cliché, I felt from the depths of my soul that writing was my destiny. Okay, that’s a little dramatic, but you get my drift. I won’t get into details of what I wrote, how much wrote and when…the important part is I wanted to write professionally. Fast forward a couple of years, I studied Psychology, pursued college Athletics with reckless abandon, and manoeuvred my way into Advertising after graduation.
I re-discovered my love for writing somewhere between finishing college and exploring my options. I also fantasized about having my voice coasting the airwaves, flowing into people’s ears – to be on the radio. To make all this happen, I knew exactly what I needed to do and have first.
The little list
Long story short, I decided that for me to pursue my writing dreams, whilst working for myself, this is what I needed:
A laptop
To not worry about basic needs
Internet (for self-publishing)
A flexible timetable
To earn just enough so I don’t have to ask my mum for money
I bought myself a laptop; my mother said I can live under her roof as long as I need/want to; I have constant internet access; currently I earn enough to cover my toiletries, my hair, and pay for any movements; and three jobs later, I have a flexible timetable because I work for me now.
So the big question is, how many books have I written?
None. Zero. Nada. Zilch.
Yup, all that hyping, prepping, dreaming, and still…nothing.
I created all the conditions I needed, but it didn’t make a difference, I was/am still not doing what I know I should. Sometimes I think I need inspiration, a change of environment…and the mountains of Mutare sound like a fantastic place to start. But here’s the thing…I’ll find a new excuse. I’ll find something else missing, some other condition that needs to be met. The problem isn’t what I have, or don’t have, or access to resources…the problem is me.
I’m now the thing that’s holding myself back. I’ve always been what was holding me back.
It was a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that I’ve been putting off my dreams for one reason or the other. Before laptops, before these convenient gadgets, writers used typewriters, and before that, paper and pen. There’s lots of paper at home. And a pen is less than a dollar.
I was waiting for the perfect time, but the perfect time doesn’t exist.
My own worst enemy
It will never come. They’ll always be a new reason, an urgent condition that needs to be met. Maybe it was just inertia, but that throws a wrench through the whole thing…because now I have a new demon to fight. Looking back, I realize now that I’ve been making excuses, and whilst one or two of my conditions were valid, the rest were just bullshit. Maybe I don’t want it badly enough, or I’m not committing when I should. Whatever the reason, I don’t want to be that person anymore. I’ve always been a go-getter, but now I need to step it up a notch.
Right after graduation, I thought it would be cool to bag a job as a blogger, funny story, I did. After quitting that job, I was convinced my dream job (not for life) was working as a Copywriter at an advertising agency, 3 months later, I was. That didn’t work out the way I thought it would, but the point is, I’ve made things happen for myself before, why not now. I don’t want to stand in my own way.
Now over to you. I now know what’s holding me back, what’s been holding me back all this time (myself), but what about you? If you’re not currently stirring your life in the direction that you want, what’s holding you back? There are some pretty valid reasons for putting your dreams on hold, just be certain yours are. I fooled myself for over a year, and it’s only now that I’ve become fully aware of my inertia.
The start of a new year is always exciting, well to me at least, I don’t know about you. New goals and all that! And setting goals for the year is amazing, I love it. I love it so much in fact I do it every 3 months…yup, I don’t wait for year end because anytime is tea time! But first there’s a little exercise I like to do first.
It’s easy to jump to the resolutions and goals part, without ever reflecting on the previous year. Did you reflect? Did you look back and take stock of the last year or you just dove into setting some shiny new goals and resolutions? It’s kinda hard to do anything differently or better, or to continue something, if you haven’t actually identified what it is. I find asking myself these 10 questions has helped me set and achieve my goals year after year, and they could help you too.
1. What did I achieve last year?
This seems so obvious (and maybe even dumb) but it’s surprising how easy it is to skip it and go straight to the failures. It’s important to ask yourself this question and to actually answer it. It’s also the first question for a reason. What did you achieve last year? List that stuff down. Whether it was intentional, by accident or pure stroke of luck, it matters… write that shit down.
What are you most proud of that you did last year. It can be one big thing, or many littler things. And it’s not restricted to material things! Maybe you worked on being a better child, parent, spouse, boss, student, employee (etc. you get the gist), and you actually improved. There are lots and lots of things that you could be proud of that you might have done. Think of them, list them down.
Feels good doesn’t it?
Now keep them in mind. This little exercise probably shows you that you’re being too hard on yourself, and you should give yourself a little credit for what you’ve done so far. It also shows that you win some and you lose some. You mightn’t have gotten everything you wanted, but you had victories. Celebrate them. If you have absolutely nothing you can say you achieved, don’t worry, we’ll fix that, but maybe skip straight to number 5.
2. What/who helped me achieve these goal, or get to that place?
This is sooooo important. I really can’t emphasize how much! Okay, so you’re proud of yourself, awesome, but what or who helped you get there? This is pretty straight forward. If it was a person, or people, send them a thank you message, telling them what you’re thanking them for. It feels awesome to know you helped someone, so make them feel awesome by just telling them the truth. A little appreciation goes a long way.
Figuring out who helped you, can also show you who actively tried to hinder you. Maybe it wasn’t deliberate, maybe they didn’t know, but they still got in your way. If it was intentional, just avoid these people or person. I’m talking about having minimal contact. If it’s your spouse, partner or parent, then you need to have a very serious conversation, avoidance won’t help. Thank me later. Of course, be diplomatic and tactful, you don’t want to burn bridges.
The what part is also pretty important, because you identify enabling circumstances, environments and behaviour. Sometimes things work out better because you’re in the right environment, not entirely because you’re a genius. Sometimes you made it work despite the circumstances. You need to acknowledge these things. It’ll help you figure stuff out, and adjust plans, whenever things go wrong. Which brings us to question number 3…
3. How did I achieve it?
Okay, this seems quite similar to number two I know, but still…it deserves its own little subheading in bold, if only for the effect. Or the emphasis. Anyways, how did you achieve these things you’re so proud of? Was it because of good habits you developed, or have always had? Was it largely influenced by good timing? Did someone else do the majority for you, or half of it (see, number two again). Was it because of something you actively didn’t do?
Whatever it was, figure out how to keep doing it for future purposes. Or what enabled that behaviour from you. If it was mostly due to external factors, then you might want to figure out if you can keep those external factors constant. If they’re out of your control, just take note of which factors work in your favour the most.
Okay, next question.
4. What did I love most about the year?
This is just a gratitude, feel good exercise really…but a serious one. Being grateful helps us feel happier, and you want to start the year on a positive note. So, what did you love most about the previous year? Please note, this is not goal related! It’s just appreciating certain events, emotions and people from the previous year.
There has to be something you loved about last year, even one thing. If it’s something you have control over and can keep repeating into the new year, then perfect! Do that. Remember when we said this is a feel good exercise? Well you’re going to need those positive vibes for the next part.
5. What do I wish I could have done differently?
We all know when we mess up. We might not be willing to admit out loud that we’ve messed up, but we know. (If you can’t even admit it to yourself in the privacy of your own thoughts, then you may have a serious problem you need to address.) So review the past year, and figure out what went wrong, and what part you played. You can’t do anything differently if you’re not willing to own up and take responsibility.
If you know what you could have done differently, then you know where the problem lies. Then follow through and do it differently this year. It’s not rocket science; it’s just being honest with yourself. If you’re not sure about your ability to be blunt with yourself, then ask someone close to you to tell you (just don’t be angry after).
What you could have done differently probably contributed to answers from the next question.
6. Which goals did I fail at?
This part sucks, but it’s necessary. What did you fail at? If you’re in the habit of writing your goals down like I am, then simply pull out that list and take a look at last year’s resolutions and goals. Sometimes you have a something you want to change or do so badly it’s at the forefront of your mind, you don’t need to look at a list to know what it is. List these failures down. Now for the next part…
7. Why did I fail?
If you’re going to point the finger at someone else for everything, then stop reading this post and just close the page. We have nothing to talk about. Blaming everyone and everything else for your problems is partly why things keep going sideways for you. Granted, you can’t control everything about your circumstances, but you can always, always control your response to it.
Now, why did you fail? Own up where you messed up, then identify things that were beyond your control. If, for example, you got retrenched because the company was closing down or downsizing, then you’re not largely to blame. What you could be blamed for though, is not keeping your eyes open for sighs of change, and not preparing or trying to be ready for that change.
Hint: Read “Who moved my cheese” by Dr Spence Johnson
Now you know why you failed, you’re ready to answer this:
8. What do I need to change to do things differently?
Remember the question, “What do you wish you could have done differently?” Well the answers to that question are the keys for this one. What you could have done differently, what you failed, and why you failed are most likely related. Which begs for this question. Some of the reasons you failed at what you set out to do are internal, i.e. it’s largely your fault. Is it a behaviour, habit, attitude, character trait, personality trait, a belief, mind-set?
What was it?
Getting to the root means you know what needs to change, if you can change it. Some things are hard to change, like personality. If that’s the case, then you change the environment that brings out that personality trait. Learn your triggers, and either learn to control your response to them, or avoid them as much as possible. Knowing what triggers undesirable traits or behaviour means you know what gets in the way of achieving your goals.
Other reasons that contributed to your failure could be external, like sudden policy changes by a failing government. Or the collapse/wobbling of the economy. Or the death of a loved one. There are so many situational factors that come into play which you probably had little control over. Accept that some things are out of your control and that life can suck sometimes (or a lot) but you still need to keep going.
This is a really tricky part. Change what you can, as much of it as possible, then work with or around what you can’t. But please don’t hide behind external factors, that leads to the blame game. You can’t win with that route.
9. How realistic where my goals?
Set realistic goals. Okay, I hate that statement because sometimes it’s thrown around at totally unnecessary times. Oftentimes it’s just used to discourage you from going after your wildest dreams. Nevertheless, there’s a kernel of truth in that statement. Sometimes we set ourselves up for failure and disapointment by setting up implausible goals…in other words they’re pretty unrealistic.
Maybe you could achieve that goal, just not in the timeframe you’re giving yourself. We set ourselves up for disappointment by setting goals that are incredibly hard to achieve in that time frame. I could say I wanted to make a million dollars (USD) from my blog by the end of last year. What were the odds? My blog isn’t even monetized! And I don’t have all the right structures in place. Also my posting was erratic. Anyways, I think you get my point.
Before you beat yourself up about failing at something, ask yourself how realistic the goal was. Sometimes you have the capability but there are things you’re understandably not willing to sacrifice to achieve that goal, so technically, it’s not a realistic goal. Pursue your dreams taking into account what’s on the ground, and what you need, and you’re willing to do to see that dream happen.
With that review of your past year, what advice would you give the slightly younger version of you? Sit him or her down and take them through the past year, advising her/him with the power of hindsight. Take this same message and internalize it for 2019 you. The same wisdom you were dishing out a moment ago applies to you now. They say experience is the best teacher, well now you have it.
End note
Take this little list and save it if you must, or even print it (just include the credits). Share it with as many people as you can and help them review their past year too.
Comparison can be a very powerful tool, and today, I’ll show you why. That being said, it’s odd how many times you read or hear this mantra about not comparing yourself to others. Of how you’re different and all those other things people say, making it seem super easy to simply not compare yourself to others. (more…)
Have you ever tried to lose weight, or tried to turn a skinny unimpressive torso into a set of beautiful abs? In a really short space of time? (It usually doesn’t work that way.) Or better yet watched someone else try? So they’re eager and committed at first. Then the excitement fizzles out and they start complaining about how this stuff doesn’t work. (more…)
